Fnurf

Will has upgraded his trying to talk to SimSpeak. His two most common words are "fnurf" and "cwoumph."

i'm afraid that the snot goblins i've been fighting since my dip in the lake have decided to take up residence in will. last night, my little dude had problems breathing through his nose. this posed a problem getting him to sleep since he usually needs a paci to get to dreamland. i awoke this morning and found that ghostie had sucked some nasty stuff out of his nose. i hope it's a very short lived ailment as i've decided that i really don't like seeing my little dude sick...

Daycare and Cereal

So Monday was my first day back at work in just over four months and the first full day I had to leave Will in daycare. Not exactly my best birthday ever, but it turned out not to be nearly as bad as I thought.

I had everything ready and laid out for Monday morning. We packed the car full of my school stuff and the stuff we'd need to take to the daycare to store: diapers, wipes, extra clothes in case of spit-up, etc. I left early so I'd have time to get Will settled in before I needed to be at school at 7:30. Will seemed to be comfortable. The staff is great. There is even another little boy at the center who was born the same day as Will, in the same hospital!

I cried on the way to school, but only a little bit. I sat patiently through our meetings in the morning. I had planned on using the two hours we had for lunch to work on my room, but my friends came and invited me out to lunch. We took one of the new teachers along with us. In a discussion of ages, it was soon revealed that it was my birthday. My friend Laura paid for my lunch as a birthday treat. Very sweet. Really, the best part about it was that it kept me from spending the entire break thinking about Will. I had resolved not to go check on him in the middle of the day because I knew I could not leave him again, especially if he was crying when I got there.

Finally, after more meetings in the afternoon, we were dismissed for the day. I rushed to the daycare center to pick up Will. The teacher for his room had just fed him and was about to change his diaper. I watched as she changed him. He looked at her for a long time, and then he smiled. That smile meant everything to me. At that moment, I knew for sure that he would be fine. I know he'll adjust much faster than I will.

On a lighter note, Will is now eating rice cereal from a spoon! We mix up two tablespoons of dry cereal with water every night, and he has taken it like a champ. He really seems to enjoy it. It has made a HUGE difference in how often he wants to eat. Before we tried adding a little cereal to his formula, he was screaming for a bottle every 2 hours. Now, he usually goes 3 1/2 - 4. Much better. According to our pedi, we aren't supposed to start him on cereal until he's 4 months old, but developmentally, Will is ahead of the game. He has been able to sit, supported, for a month now. He has excellent head control (except when he gets tired or excited, then you have to watch for the unintentional head butt), and he has been able to find his own mouth with whatever he's holding for several weeks. In fact, while I was feeding him today, he grabbed the spoon and stuck it in his mouth! It's a lot of fun to watch him experience the new texture and taste. I can hardly wait to move him on to oatmeal, then veggies!

Will's First Swim

We went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for a mass family birthday party. My brother-in-law, dad, grandad, and I all have birthdays within a month and one day, ranging from August 9 to September 10.

Last year, at the party they threw me for my 30th birthday, I wished for one thing as I blew out the candles, and here, one year later, I have my little man. That's the only birthday wish I think has ever come true for me.

We wanted to get Will into the pool, and my SIL has a canopied float designed for babies, so we figured it was the perfect chance to introduce him to water not designed to bathe in. I had taken Will to the edge of the pool and dunked his feet earlier so he would understand that the water was for people to play in. He loves baths, so I didn't think we'd have a problem.

I changed Will into his little swim diapers and a swimsuit SIL had at the house for all little nephews. I brought Will slowly into the water. He did great! He was kicking a bit, like a natural. We put him into the float and tried to lean him back in the seat. No go there. He didn't like not feeling in control. I don't blame him. I'm far from a water baby myself. He did great leaning forward on the seat. Great, that is, for about five minutes. Since it was only 90 degrees on Saturday, the water was a little chilly for Will's taste. He liked it while he could stand it, but he got cold pretty fast. We know that next year, he'll love hopping in the pool in his pint-sized life jacket.

Trial Run

Yesterday, Will spent his first hours alone in daycare. I had another meeting at school to attend, and we felt that since he will be starting full time on Monday, we needed to get him acclimated to the environment.

Will was fine when I dropped him off. The lady working there was even sweet enough to ask, "how are you holding up?" I suppose that in the infant room, they're used to more tears from the mothers on the first day than the babies. I am still at peace with the facility, although I did cry on my way to school. After my meeting, I forced myself to stay and work in my room until 3:30, so Will would be at the daycare center for at least 5 hours. It was hard.

When I arrived to pick him up, he had just spit up all over everything. I took him in my arms, and he just turned his head into my chest. He seemed shell-shocked. He is not used to so much noise. At home, it is just Will and me, and we don't even have the TV on. Poor thing only slept for a total of about half an hour while he was at the center. I'm sure it was a combination of the noise from the other babies and the fact that the daycare center is legally required to put him down on his back. I know it goes against all pediatric recommendations, but my boy sleeps on his tummy. His startle reflex is so sensitive that he wakes up within 20 minutes if he is laid on his back or if he rolls over in his sleep. If he's on his tummy, he sleeps restfully, 8-9 hours at night and long naps in the day. He has enough head and neck strength that he can easily lift his head (and does, many times a night, to face different directions), and he is capable of rolling over, even if he doesn't do that very often. We don't have any of the risk factors for SIDS - no smoking, no record of it in the family, no preemie baby, our ethnic group is not high risk. Granted, I still check him compulsively before I turn in for the night and several times during his naps, but he sleeps like a log.

I'm sure Will will adjust to life in daycare much faster than I will adjust to his being there. Monday, his first full day at the center and my first full day back at work since I was put on bedrest April 19, is my birthday. What a way to celebrate.

back from a sinusy grave

i know we'll say it more and more but i can't believe how big he's really getting. going back though his recent pictures, its amazing how LONG he is. the kid's gonna hit his head on the door by the time he's ready for high school :) he's beginning to use his tongue more an dmore in his vocalizations. its amazing what he's trying to do. i love it.

on the other side of the nasty sinus infection from the lake i am still glad we took the trip to see ghostie's sister and BIL over the weekend. Will did well, for the most part. and i think we realized we can take longer car trips with him.

another big party coming up this weekend. most of ghostie's family was born in august and february, so they all get together and have one big party during each of those months. we'll have a good time, but i bet will is going to have a GREAT time. he's a big hit with all the ladies.

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Now playing: Gorillaz - El Mañana
via FoxyTunes

Three Months Old!

Somehow, the summer is over. Will turns three months old today. I have such mixed emotions right now. On the one hand, Will has grown and developed so much in the past few months. He has learned to control his head (except when he's excited or sleepy), he can mostly sit up with support, he makes eye contact, plays with toys, smiles, coos, tries oh-so-hard to talk back to you (he works his mouth figuring out the shapes you used to make your words), and now, he giggles. I feel so lucky to have been able to witness these milestones as they happened. Being a mom is the most fulfilling job in the world. It is everything I ever hoped it would be.

On the other hand, summer is drawing to a close. I have to report back to school next Monday, so Will is starting daycare then. I tear up every time I think about leaving him, even though I am very happy with the facility we picked. I know he'll be taken care of, but I know it won't be me who is taking care of him. That breaks my heart. I wish with every fiber of my being that I could afford to stay home, but that just isn't happening for us. I knew this time would come, but I didn't realize how quickly the summer would fly by. The next time I'll get to spend an extended period of time with Will (more than 3 days), he will be six months old! I really can't wait until Thanksgiving now. It has been so hard for me to get back into the right frame of mind for school this year. I know we'll develop a new routine, but for now, I just have to hold onto every minute I have with my little guy.

Will's First Trip

Will in the car, stuck in traffic in Hillsboro

This weekend, we headed to Austin to spend Saturday night with my sister and brother-in-law. My BIL's birthday was Thursday, so they were hosting a little shindig and wanted us to attend. We built in more stops along the way than we've ever had for a 200 mile trip. Will did really well on the way down. He was quiet and/or sleeping until West, when I had to wake him up to change his diaper. That made him a little fussy once we got back on the road, but he settled down until nearly Round Rock, when it was time for his bottle.

By the time we got to my sister's house, Will was getting tired. We put him down for a nap, and he woke up in time for the party. Unfortunately, there was a lot of noise, and a lot of people in his face, and he didn't like it very much. We took turns keeping him away from most of the fray.

On the way home the next day, Will didn't do quite as well as he had on the trip down. Part of that was our fault; we stopped at IKEA (which was crazy crowded), and the outlet mall (which was crazy hot). Then, we hit horrible traffic around Hillsboro that added nearly an hour to our drive. None of this made Will very happy. To be honest, it didn't make me very happy, either. To top it off, Rolf had come down with a sinus infection that probably wasn't helped by his staying up into the wee hours on Saturday. We were a pretty grumpy crew on Sunday afternoon.

The best thing about the whole weekend, though, is that I got to hear a real giggle from Will - one that sounds like a true baby laugh - on Sunday morning as I was getting him dressed. It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my entire life.

Waxing Philisophical

The other day, a colleague and friend of mine commented how she will never forget how confident I looked with Will when I took him up to school at eleven days old. I was a little flattered and more than a little flummoxed. Motherhood is natural to me. I have always wanted children. Even when I was a young child, I knew I wanted to be a mother. The cruel irony was never lost on me that I, who always wanted children, suffered from infertility for years . It seemed that everyone around me was getting to realize the dream I had held so dear for so long. I know more than one person who met her future spouse, began dating, got engaged, got married, and had not one, but TWO children in the nearly five years Rolf and I tried to get pregnant (starting in our fourth year of marriage). I suppose that waiting for so long helped make us immune to the nerves of first-time parents. I never felt nervous about any of it (okay, finances, maybe), and I'm pretty sure Rolf is the same way. He never had that "Oh-my-God-I'm-going-to-break-the-baby" new dad moment. He was a natural from minute one. I've never seen him prouder. I feel that our instincts are right. I thought I would panic the first day Rolf headed back to work and left me alone all day with a nine-day-old baby, but nothing seemed more natural. I haven't worried about any decision since.

Will has completed my life. He is the most precious thing in the world. Knowing I have him is the thing that makes me happiest, but the scars of infertility will never heal. I sympathize and empathize with all people who are facing the struggle. According to statistics, one in six couples experiences infertility. Considering there are so many who suffer, it is one of the loneliest afflictions one can live through. There is still a taboo on infertility. Many people seem to think that if they cannot reproduce the old-fashioned way, they are less of a man or woman. I know I went through many months of sobbing into Rolf's shoulder that I was "broken" because I couldn't get pregnant. It's a vicious cycle of hope that gets crushed and grief that turns to false hope again before the grief is fully dealt with. No wonder so many people become depressed.

I find that being open about our struggles makes people a little more educated, a little less likely to tell me silly things like "you'd better cherish these moments now because he'll be running around before you know it." Strangers say that to me, and I just smile and respond with a, "Oh, I do." Not one of my friends or acquaintances has said that to me because they know how much I cherish each moment with Will, just as I cherished each moment of pregnancy. I embraced the morning sickness because I knew it meant he had definitely taken hold in there after an early miscarriage scare. I wish I had looked more pregnant because I know that this could potentially be the one and only time we get to experience this miracle. I hope with all my heart that it isn't, but we are content to have just Will if lightning doesn't strike twice.

Like Father, Like Son

Today, I had a meeting at school that lasted all day, so my mom watched Will. By the time I got through, my mom had taken Will over to my grandparents' house so she could work with my aunt to get it cleaned out and ready for sale (my grandmother passed away three days before Will was born and my grandfather is in assisted living now). Will had apparently entertained them all day, smiling and laughing and trying to talk.

When I arrived to pick Will up, my mom told me that he found a few phrases funnier than others. In particular, "poopy pants" and "buuuurrrp" made him giggle. I expect that when he's four, but three months old? Add that to Rolf's insane and uncontrollable laughter whenever he sees a fart joke on TV, and I see many inappropriate dinner conversations in my future...

On another note, my mom told me today that Will is trying very hard to talk, and he is getting frustrated with his physical limitations. He just doesn't have the coordination to form words yet, and it's cramping his efforts to communicate with us more eloquently. Since my mom raised four kids, I feel a little vindicated that she thinks he's trying to talk, too. I wasn't sure for a while if we were just reading too much into his mouth movements and coos (or if we were just being overly proud parents). I think this boy is going to be scary smart.

A prelude to a drop off

this morning felt kinda weird. it felt like it was a rehearsal for when will begins daycare (a scant few weeks from now). everyone had woken up with me and had gotten dressed and ready to go someplace. it was exciting and sad all at the same time. Normally, i'm out the door having kissed everyone goodbye in their slumber. Will was having a great time with mr. butterfly and kept daddy entertained on his way out the door to work. i can take on the world when he smiles at me.

:-P

One of the things Rolf has taught Will is how to stick out his tongue. Will knows we think it's funny, so when we have his attention and are cooing and smiling at him, he'll stick out his tongue and giggle. Today, while shopping at the mall with my mom and aunt, Will woke up from an all-too-brief nap and started smiling at me. I talked to him and smiled at him. I stopped grinning because I was answering a question from my aunt. Will didn't know what to make of this. His brow furrowed a bit, he studied me, and then, all business, stuck out his tongue. I couldn't help but laugh, so he was satisfied. He grinned a big ol' grin around his little protruding tongue, knowing he had bested Mommy yet again.

Silly boy! :-)

Here comes Mr. Butterfly!

One of my favorite things to do is to turn on Will's mobile and watch him watch it. He concentrates on his favorite dangly character (the butterfly), and watches it go around and around. If you look to the picture, you'll see how he reacts to Mr. Butterfly. He gasps, he coos, he works his mouth like an old man sucking on his gums. He is trying SO hard to figure out this talking thing.

Lately, he has started reaching for the mobile. He either puts his fists up and waves them around like the Cowardly Lion ("put 'em up, put 'em up!"), or he puts his open hand up. Sometimes he seems like he's pointing at it. Look, Mom! Here comes Mr. Butterfly! He's the best!

Will loves his mobile so much that the music plays for 20 minutes or so before shutting off, and we usually have to start it again for about 5 minutes before he gets bored. What an attention span for an 11 week old!

a doo-doo-doo, a da-da-da

Will really wants to talk. i really like watching him concentrate. he gets very excited when he's learning in fact his whole body gets involved when he's really into the experience. i want to make sure he keeps that excitement throughout his life. that being said, i can tell he's frustrated by what he can't do and i wish i could make it easier for him.